Cold Hands
So I’ll be honest: I really didn’t know what to expect from this app.
I’ve had my off-days with its competitors who shall not be named (but we all know who I’m talking about here). For the purposes of our conversation, let’s call her “Sara”. The classic conversations would go as follows:
Me: “Hey Sara. Call mom.”
Sara: “What is your mother’s name?”
Me: “…Lisa?”
Sara: “Calling Lisa from Biology.”
Me: “WHAT? NO! DON’T! WHY?”
And so on so forth.
But despite all the problems that come with speaking to an underdeveloped AI, I did appreciate the lack of judgment. Because *lord* knows I have asked some very unbecoming questions to “Sara”. But why not? It’s artificial intelligence, it’s not like a robot’s gonna judge you.
But this is what got me curious about Hal. So the way Hal was explained to me was very simple — it’s all the anonymity of artificial intelligence, just without the artificial part.
I downloaded the app with a certain amount of skepticism. After all, living in the apocalypse would make anyone squint an eye at robot-human hybrids. But I decided to jump right in with another one of my famously wimpy questions. Not without a precursor, though.
The conversation went as follows:
Me: Okay, this is a weird question.
Hal: Just a sec…I’m here…What may I help you with, K?
(The Hal app allows you to pick the name you’d like to be called. I had no problem giving them my real name, but I can’t resist a codename when given the choice.)
Me: I have to work on the computer a lot, but my hands are constantly freezing. I have gloves that you can use a phone with, but it only works for the pointer fingers. Do you have any suggestions on how to solve this problem? Why are my hands always cold?
Now I wasn’t expecting a whole list of causes and remedies, but Hal’s answer was much more practical.
Hal: Perhaps getting a portable heater that connects directly to your computer (or cordless) and pointing it towards your hands.
Me: Oh wow. I’ll definitely check that out. Thanks!
Hal: Yeah you should. Anything else I may help with?
Me: Nope! I’m Gucci 👍
Hal: Alright no problem. Would you like me to close the session?
Me: Yup.
Hal: Okay have an awesome rest of your day!
Me: Thanks! You too.
So as you can probably already tell, there is a tangible difference between this interaction and those I had with “Sara”. Now obviously, when you’re typing questions instead of voicing them, there will be significantly less miscommunication (although Hal does a voice option as well). But Hal is basically someone you can delegate.
Hal also didn’t diagnose anything, which was a big relief. Unlike an unnamed application (let’s call it DebMD), Hal won’t scare you into thinking it’s caused by anxiety or that your feet will fall off. It will take your question at face value.
Because think about it: if you had a personal assistant, you would give them the busy work while you get the tasks done that only you can do. You’re literally getting your time back because someone is doing the research for you.
So as the day wears on I call upon Hal for some motivation.
Me: Hey Hal. Why am I so tired all the time?
Because yes, of course I try to trick the system. The first rule of vetting an operating system is giving it some hard, cold snark. Because if I’m good at anything, it’s being the world’s biggest smart alec. This way I could test, if nothing else, the patience of Hal. If this app could answer the eternal question “why am I so tired all the time”, then I would be extremely impressed.
Hal: Could be lack of sleep. Or, if you’re sleeping, you may not be getting into a deep sleep. Could also be nutritional. Could be stress. Any of those things seem to apply?
Now you might think this isn’t exactly helpful information. “Could be” answers always get a bad rap, because they usually don’t directly give us definitive answers. But Hal doesn’t pretend to know you right off the bat — it gives you a mental checklist so you can narrow down the possible causes.
Me: I’m taking my vitamins and everything and eating well. I did have really active, vivid, and stressful dreams last night. Does that have something to do with it?
It was awful. It involved Florida, Liam Neeson (he was in a rush so it stressed me out), face masks (not the kind you think), an aerial attack, an electric tree scorpion (don’t ask)…long story short, I did not have the glow of restfulness in the morning.
Hal: Could mean you aren’t sleeping deeply maybe.
Me: How do I fix this?
Hal: If that’s the problem, learn to clear your mind before sleeping. Don’t review the issues of the day when you go to bed.
Now this all sounds well and good. However, asking a sleepy brain like mine to not chastise itself before bedtime is like asking an elephant to tread lightly — it’s just not how I’m built.
Hal: Many have found Valerian Root or Saint John’s Wort helps.
Now this answer I was pretty impressed by, because professionals in healthcare had given me the same suggestion before. I didn’t purchase it because in my strange mind, ten bucks for a sleep aid makes much less sense than a $45.00 pub bill (spoiler alert, I’m wrong). But Hal gently guided me toward the healthy choice, and it made the healthy choice seem much more appealing than having no energy.
Me: Can I find that on Amazon?
Hal: I believe so.
Me: Awesome I’ll check that out. That’s all I need for now. Thanks!
Hal: Great. Hope that works. Have a great night!
Me: You and me both 😂 You too.
So yeah, there’s some applications for Hal lately that I never even thought of. For one, budgeting is probably more crucial now than it has been in my entire life. Now that everyone’s life has been uprooted, diced, minced, put through a blender and then poured back out again, our priorities have shifted in insane ways.
Sometimes just having a helper remind us what kind of purchases are and aren’t beneficial makes everything a tad easier.
